A Minor Overanalysis Unburdened

Of every question to be said, “Am I doing this ‘right’?” is probably the most complicated and deceptive.

It can present itself as a genuine query and then expose an inner confusion and doubt that may have been nothing but a whiff of disorientation but now pulses and aches like a peeling blister.

I find the answers to it feel like they come from a prism but with fuzzy, vague borders to each face. The question teeters and shifts its intention, even when I think I am clear about it, with the subtlest nudge or pull.

I feel it most apparent and lack emotional charge when I can demote the “I” in question.

However, to get to that seemingly balanced state, I feel I would have to hold on to some abiding confidence that even if I were to be doing this wrong that it was not a disaster or catastrophe.

If that sounds hyperbolic or overwrought, I admit I mean it to be.

Often the question falls out and settles on me like sweat casting a film over my body on a humid day. It layers and layers and layers, so much so that I start to question my basic sense of control and awareness like it is some viscous fluid filling any room for motion or free will. I feel myself sliding towards decisions and impulses I can’t quite sense that I own and that I don’t know if I can course correct.

And then sometimes I find a little tweak to the query opens up a pathway towards some lightness and agency. I can change it to:

Am I doing this?

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